They say that if you hold on to something, you cannot move on. I can relate to that, and lately I’ve begun to understand just how far-reaching this concept can be.
When it comes to certain emotions, I’ve always found it easy to grasp this truth. For example, if someone cuts me off in traffic, my initial reaction is usually not to feel anything. I am too busy responding to the situation – namely, avoiding an accident. However, once the immediate moment passes, various emotions begin to surface:
First, I feel shocked, then relieved, and eventually angry. After that, I find myself unable to move on – I cling to one of those emotions. It’s not relief or gratitude for coming out unscathed. No, it’s anger. Although the incident has long since passed, I might still be dwelling on that anger two hours later.
So, like I said, it’s easy for me to see how holding on to so-called negative emotions can be pointless, if not harmful. But the same applies to holding on to pleasant, gratifying memories and feelings.
Let’s say I decide to go skiing again — not just because I enjoy it, but because I remember one particular day on the slopes with my dad. In my mind, everything about that day feels almost sacred: the crisp air, the effortless runs, the laughter we shared on the lift.
Or I return to my favorite Thai restaurant, remembering a meal that once felt perfect — the flavors vibrant, the conversation flowing, the evening somehow complete.
There is nothing wrong with revisiting these places. But if I arrive expecting to relive that exact sensation, I may be disappointed. The snow might feel heavier. My legs tire sooner. The food, though still good, might not taste as extraordinary as I remember. The present moment struggles under the weight of comparison.
In that way, holding on to even the most beautiful moments can dull what is right in front of me. Instead of allowing the day on the mountain or the meal at the table to unfold as something new, I am chasing something that no longer exists — a preserved version of the past.
It seems that holding on to memories – whether they are pleasant or unpleasant – can make everything in the present feel dull in comparison. If the memory is negative, I’ll re-experience the unpleasant feelings. If it is positive, whatever I’m going through in the here and now will inevitably fall short of that past experience.
I suppose whether the memory is pleasant or disagreeable, comforting or disheartening, good or bad, there ultimately comes a time to let go, move on, and make space for the new.
Brigitte K. Schneider
aka Ms. Bye-Bye
Copyright © 2023, Brigitte K. Schneider. If you wish to quote text from this article contact the author by leaving a comment.
