… beat yourself up for something?
I did – just the other day. Wasn’t the first time either. As usual, it came as a Voice in my head spouting out all kinds of invectives.
Listening to that Voice, one could get the impression that I had committed a capital offense or something. But all I had done was … Wait for it! … All I had done was sleep in.
Yes.
I confess.
I slept in.
I was beating myself up for staying in bed “too long.” Or rather, I was condemning myself based on my own, homemade definition of “too long.” (That in itself is crazy right there, but hey!)
And as I was accusing myself of breaking my self-created 11th Commandment (Thou Shalt Not Sleep In!) another, more appeasing voice snuck in – and all of a sudden I had a dispute going on in my head.
“Why is she doing this? Why is she beating herself up like this?” the Appeaser asked.
“Well,” the Commander replied, “She is doing this to make sure she won’t sleep in again.”
“Okay. Cool,” the Appeaser said. “But how much of this torture is really necessary to ensure it won’t happen again? Is one minute of criticism enough? Ten minutes? An hour? Or, here’s a thought: Maybe the brief moment contemplating spending less time in bed is actually enough? Maybe all it takes is the notion that it would have been nicer to get up earlier?”
For a while, this audacious suggestion baffled the Commander into silence. But only for a little while because the Commander is an obstinate little wise-ass.
“How would she know if that were enough?” the Commander griped. “She just wants to make sure, next time she won’t oversleep because she most definitely doesn’t want to feel so miserable again!”
That’s when it hit me:
Yes, I felt miserable. But I did not feel miserable for what I had done. The mere act of sleeping in did not make me feel bad. Sleeping in had actually felt quite nice at the time. What made me feel bad was how I was beating myself up for it! In other words, my suffering was caused by my mind, not the act itself. Ain’t that hilarious, or what?!
See ya at the crack of dawn! (Or not! LOL.)
Brigitte Schneider
aka Ms. Sleepyhead
Copyright © 2020, Brigitte Schneider. If you wish to quote text from this article contact the author by leaving a comment.
