It is what it is

I used to swear whenever something went wrong. Then came 9/11/2001. I heard about people who had been furious about missing their planes … until they learned that missing their planes had saved their lives.

That made me realize that sometimes missing a plane, or even having a traffic light turn red when I am running late for work, might be a good thing in the long run. We rarely see the bright side of these little mishaps – and maybe at times there is no bright side – but that day in 2001 I began my journey of trying to respond differently to inconveniences.

First I asked myself if I really have to swear when every traffic light on my way to work turns red. Sure, I can always justify my indignation. In this case, that I might be late for work. But what if, rather than having a reason, I am actually a grievance looking for a cause? Frankly, more often than not, my negative reaction comes so automatically that I don’t even know why I swear, feel annoyed or unhappy.

Then I stumbled upon a quote by William Shakespeare:

“For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

That was so provocative, I decided to conduct an experiment: I resolved to EMBRACE so-called bad situations! I mean, what’s the difference? For instance, if I drop something, it will lie on the floor no matter how I react, right? My attitude will not undo the situation nor change it in any way.

And so, for the next few weeks, I encouraged myself to see the bright side whenever something slipped out of my hand. I would tell myself: “At least there was no milk in that pot.”

Of course, the next time I dropped that very pot, there was milk in it! Still determined to EMBRACE, I would say: “At least I have time to clean the floor and enough milk in the fridge to give this another try.”

(Please note: I would always have these conversations silently!!! I didn’t want anybody to think I was cuckoo …)

You can probably guess what happened next. Yep. The next time I dropped that pot, I was in a hurry and could not clean up the milk. And the time after that, I was out of milk.

So I started another experiment: I quit “coaxing” myself into a positive attitude. Instead, I switched to: “It is what it is. I will neither be upset nor pleased about it. I will simply accept it and deal with it.”

Saying “It is what it is” is not sugarcoating the situation. And it is not condemning it either. It is merely refraining from classifying it either way –  as either good or bad. Instead, I just try to accept what is. If I am living in the desert and the summer is hot, it is hot. Despising or appreciating it will not change that fact. What I can change, however, is my reaction and my state of mind. And to me, one of the most precious things in life is my state of mind. I can be rich, healthy, beautiful, and live in the most wonderful place on earth, but if I am discontent, disgruntled, or depressed, I will not enjoy any of it.

For quite a while now, if life throws me a curveball, my priority is to focus on acceptance first and then take it from there. That doesn’t mean I have to like what is happening. But I don’t have to hate it either. As a result, instead of busying myself with thoughts ABOUT the situation, I am keeping my head clear to deal WITH the situation.

Accepting what life has in store for me doesn’t always come easily. But every now and then, I hear myself chuckle. Sometimes that’s just because it feels sooooo good not to be constantly infuriated.

At other times I can even see the humor in watching the pot bounce all over the kitchen floor. And since I have a pet now, I also don’t have to be afraid anymore to appear cuckoo when talking out loud. In other words, when my dog comes running into the kitchen to see what all the racket is about, I say: “Yep, Sherman. I am wondering the same thing: Why is the pot acting like the Duracell Bunny with hiccups? It really should be a liiiiittle bit more obliging, right? I mean, whatever happened to quietly sitting on the stove and heating up the milk!?”

Cheers to all!

Brigitte Schneider
aka Ms. Grumpy-Head

Copyright © 2017, Brigitte Schneider. If you wish to quote text from this article contact the author by leaving a comment.