… not just in trying times, but in general. An example might be when a co-worker asks me to follow up on a complaint. Strictly speaking, that would be part of her job, but I can totally relate to her discomfort. Making an unpleasant phone call is just … well, unpleasant. So, I help her. However, when I am swamped, or when I have had my share of “unfun” for the day, then I wish she would make that phone call herself! And that’s when it happens: I get a liiiiiitle bit irritated. (Surpriiiise!!!!)
Now, it might not come as a surprise that I react like that, but I recently had a revelation about WHY I react like that. And no, it is not because I am swamped or because I am being asked to do “someone else’s” job. I get irritated because … Nah. I’m not giving that away just yet.
Here’s a hint: It has something to do with saying “No.” Why? Because I don’t like to say “No.” It makes me feel veeeery uncomfortable.
At this point, I could dive deep into my psyche to unearth why I don’t like to say no. But in the end, no matter what the underlying reason is, I will have to bite the bullet and turn someone down – either my co-worker, who wants me to make the phone call, or myself, who wants her to make it.
So, am I getting irritated because I have to say “no?” Yeah, kinda. Or rather, in this particular case, but not in general. More like –
Okay, okay! I will spill the beans! Here it is: It’s growing pains. Yep. That’s what it is. The uncomfortable feeling impersonating irritation is growing pains.
I am all comfy and versed to play white knightess. Better yet, playing knightess in shining armor (because a nice outfit always caps everything off.) Kidding aside, it feels good to say “Yes.” Until it doesn’t. Because at some point, all the Yea-Saying pushes me to the brink. It pushes me to where saying “Yes” is just as uncomfortable as saying “No.” And that’s when the maneuvering starts. That’s when (inwardly, not out loud!) I blame my co-worker for being too lazy to do her job, and my boss for giving me too much to work so I don’t have any wiggle room to help others, and myself for not being flexible enough, and last but not least at life for just not being fair!
All that inner quarrel – which, of course, is getting me all irritated – is serving only one purpose: to avoid the inevitable, which is learning something new. In my example, the something new is saying “No” – and preferably saying it just as enthusiastically and candidly as saying “Yes.”
Sigh. I guess, I have a learning curve to hop on in the coming week. Or month. Or year …
Brigitte Schneider
aka Ms. Yea-Sayer
Copyright © 2020, Brigitte Schneider. If you wish to quote text from this article contact the author by leaving a comment.
Great musings Brigitte!!
Right on :-).
Judy G