Sometimes I’m *that* close to engaging in what seems to be a completely justified and promising retaliation. But on closer inspection, retaliation is nothing more than self-punishment.
Like when this lady told me I am not allowed to walk my dog in her neighborhood. I was *that* close to “punishing ” her for being so … unwelcoming. I wanted to expose her demands as unwarranted by claiming that I lived in the area as well. In other words, I was ready to tell a lie just to retaliate.
Another time, I was driving and on the verge of giving in to the impulse to accelerate just because someone wanted to cut me off. I was prepared to risk an accident just to “punish” the other driver for their behavior.
Once (even though it was just for a tiny little millisecond born of desperation 😬🤭) I caught myself wishing to be diagnosed with a serious illness because a friend of mine constantly hijacked our gatherings talking about his aches and pains and doctor’s appointments. I was ready to suffer, maybe even die, just so I could make him stop dominating each and every conversation with his stories. And for what? So that I could talk about my aches and pains and doctor’s appointments? Really? I never cared for that in the first place. And did I really want to be sick? I don’t think so.
In all these instances, had I followed my reactive impulses, I would have made things worse than they already were. Instead of pounding the issue to dust, I would have burned my integrity and wellbeing to ashes.
Well, that’s just great! 🙄🤭
Brigitte Schneider
aka Ms. Phoenix
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