Water into wine? That’s nothing! I know someone who turns wine into vinegar!

And that someone would be …

(drumroll)

… ME!

How so? Well, sometimes I have a tendency to turn completely innocent situations into tragedies. (In)conveniently, I can’t come up with an example right now. But I do have one where my friend is illustrating it quite nicely. Want me to tell you about it? Okay. Let’s throw her under the bus!

We were texting:

ME: Our neighbors across the street are not moving after all. They decided to remodel their place instead. Yay!

SHE: Gee. Renovating a house is so much work. On our street, it’s like every month another apartment gets redone. New kitchen, new bathroom, the whole nine yards! And we, the neighbors, have all the noise and the dust. It is horrible!

To offer her dreadful sight some beauty I sent her a picture of our back yard:

ME: Remember the cactus I told you about? The one that only blooms once a year and only for 24 hours? It is blooming right now. Isn’t it gorgeous?

SHE: It’s gorgeous, alright. But having an ugly old thorny plant for a whole year just for a couple of hours of flowering?!?! I don’t know. And what if you’re out of town when it blooms?

ME: That’s why I got up at 5am this morning so I would not miss the opening of the bud. 😆

SHE: 5am?!?! You can’t get me up that early for anything!

I should have seen this one coming. Luckily I had a picture of that morning’s stunning sunrise, which I sent to her:

ME: I’m not a fan of early hours either. But the sunrise is totally worth it.

SHE: Looks like it’s sunny where you are. Here it has been raining all week. Can’t go out.

ME: That’s another reason I rose early today. Figured I could go on a hike before it gets too hot. 😎

SHE: Don’t like heat. My hormones give me enough of that.

ME: Tell me about it. It’s already 90 degrees. 😅

SHE: Horrrrrible!!!!!!!!!!

ME: I know! I wonder if that’s why they invented pools and air conditioning. 😉

SHE: Ya

Yep. That’s what happened. Despite all my cheerful emojis and jokes and snapshots of sunrises and blossoms and whatnot, she remained steadfastly grumpy. With an unceasing effort to find fault, she turned whatever “wine” I had to offer into “vinegar.”

That being said, I wonder why I can’t recall the times I’ve been all doom and gloom so I wouldn’t have to throw my friend under the bus. Maybe I’m just too chipper 😆 (… not …😜).

Brigitte Schneider
aka Ms. Pollyanna

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