Been there. Done that. Never arrived.

I’ve always thought that forgoing an immediate reward with the aim to achieve a greater one in the future is a good ability to have. But I’ve noticed there is a thin line between delayed gratification and a never-ending “Wait for it!”

Yup, NEVER ENDING. 😩

It seems that over the years, the more I prioritized my goals, the more I sacrificed satisfaction along the way. And eventually, I compromised my ability to be satisfied.

Yup, my ABILITY to be satisfied. 🫤

I wasn’t aware I was doing this until I heard a wise man say that by fixating on reaching a future moment or achievement, I might improve my ability to focus on the future and to set goals, but at the same time my ability to really enjoy it once I get there decreases. Or in the wise man’s words: I am so focused on the desired outcome, I can’t enjoy the journey. The destination has taken precedence over the journey. I am obsessed with where I want to get. And when I get there, I won’t be satisfied.

When I heard that, I went “duh!” 😵‍💫I mean, OBVIOUSLY I can’t appreciate what I have if I make it my purpose to get away from it!

I’m not talking about being able to wait until lunch is ready and to then enjoy it. I am talking about constantly wanting to get somewhere, and yet never arriving because I am used to going for something rather than being with the process.


I remember, when I first learned how to drive, it was all about the driving – and it was so much fun! Getting somewhere was part of the deal, but not the only deal. Sadly, that has changed over the years. Now, when I’m in my car, it is predominantly about wanting to be somewhere else. Driving is mostly a nuisance. (If I could, I would teleport! 😂)

This habit of giving more attention to future goals has seeped into many of my activities. It starts first thing in the morning. I am barely able to enjoy my coffee because in my head I am already preparing myself to get changed and go on a hike. Once I am getting dressed it is not about the experience of putting on clothes. It is about finally having them on.

This “doing something” for the purpose of “being done” continues throughout the rest of the day:

Driving to the trailhead is merely about finally being there. As soon as I’ve parked the car, all I want is to be at the top of the hill. After the climb, it’s about getting my wind back. And once I have recovered my breath, I just want to get to the car so I can drive back home so I can prepare lunch. And of course, preparing lunch only serves the purpose of eating it. And eating is the stepping stone to getting ready for work … and so forth.

The moments of satisfaction while I am doing whatever I am doing are rather brief – the desire to arrive overshadows the experience. And once I have arrived, the satisfaction does not last long either because I’m immediately off to the next thing.


From time to time, I’m fortunate enough to have a different experience. Like this one time when I was driving home from a hike with my dog, Sherman, in the passenger seat. It was a bumpy ride since we had been offroading to get to the trailhead. Usually I try to get back as fast as I can. But that day I slowed down so that Sherman could safely stand on his hind legs and look out of the window. And what else did I do differently? I watched him watching the scenery. We were still heading home, but enjoying the moment all of a sudden was part of the deal, if not the whole deal.


Throughout my life everything I wanted seemed to promise that once I had it, I would feel better. Whatever I set to achieve was tied to the hope that it would bring the holy grail of satisfaction and enjoyment. In other words, what I truly want is to feel good and be content. And now I am not so sure anymore if prioritizing wanting and striving is the way to go.
Just wondering …

Brigitte K. Schneider
aka Ms. Be Here (née Get There)

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