There was a moment at work today …
We had a meeting to discuss our upcoming projects. Everyone was in a good mood, laughing, and even making jokes. I am not particularly known for my humor. I enjoy laughing, but being funny isn’t one of my strong points. And yet, I thought I’d give it a try – right there, in the meeting.
The moment my attempt at humor left my mouth, I flinched. Instead of being funny, it came across as making fun of someone. The worst part was that I couldn’t take it back.
When I got home, the memory of that moment replayed relentlessly in my head. I couldn’t help but squirm all over again. “What did I do!?” I thought. “Why did I feel the need to be funny? That was completely unnecessary. Clearly, I’m not very good at it. Ugh …😖”
But then, amid all the regretting and self-recrimination, something unexpected happened. I found myself creating a distance – or rather, a distance was created – between me and that memory. As I untethered myself from it, I felt something else take its place: compassion, peace, and an abundance of love.
Before I knew it, the shame and the guilt had dissolved. I still would have preferred not to behave that way, and I want to be on my best behavior next time. But instead of judging myself, I felt something within me observing with an eye way beyond disapproval. It enveloped the situation, held it gently, and permeated it.
Without sugarcoating it.
Without condoning or suppressing what had happened.
And without losing a sense of “right and wrong,” yet without calling it such.
It was so liberating.
Almost intoxicating.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be fortunate enough to experience it again.
Brigitte K. Schneider
aka Ms. Untethered
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